Bjarne Melgaard

The Synthetic Slut: A Novel by Bjarne Melgaard

May 14 – June 19, 2010

YOU WANNA BE A WHITE MANS BLACK BITCH? TWO MINUTES LATER A REPLY COMES: YES; tote bags; duct tape; flat-screen TV; white, pink, and black marble sculptures; Men Without Love; Old Holland oil paint tubes; Krink inks; black Chanel Ballerines; The Synthetic Slut: New York; Smith & Wesson bear claw knives; Winchester Bowie knives; Manhunt portraits; mounted photographs; a fully-made Hästens bed; I CAN DO IT IN ANY WAY YOU WANT IT; silicon foam platypuses—purple, yellow, orange, magenta, turquoise, lime green, forest green, olive green; camo-print Serbian military uniforms; felt Serbian soldiers; framed photographs of “Arkan’s Tigers”; a remixed Serbian snuff video; “HOW DO YOU WANNA DIE?”; chihuahuas; fruit bats; child soldiers; cologne; bottles of Perfume—Commes des Garçons, Monocle, La Prairie, LaiSalmer, Luxe; beige goat leather Margiela jacket; gray pin-stripe wool Margiela suit; black silk Margiela suit; sequined lapel; leather Margiela boots; silver Margiela rings; purple chairs, leather sofas, and black wooden tables by Wittman; he feels his lips on his neck and hears him whisper in his ear: “My white whore, my white property”; Playboy hat; Monographs—Jean Dubuffet, Jean Cocteau, Richard Prince, Richard Hawkins, Rudolf Stingel; David Hockney, Sigmar Polke, Michael Krebber, Meg Cranston, Martin Kippenberger, Bjarne Melgaard, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Georg Baselitz, Nate Lowman, Julian Schnabel; It’s a sex party in Chelsea. Get in for free. “Oh yeah,” you can come in…walk around. Feel cool. Wanna fuck. One guy is eating his ass, another one is sucking him off, and a third guy is kissing him. Guys stand around wanking; a salt water aquarium of sharkskin leather; Australian and Indo-Pacific fish—Harlequin tusk, Hippo tang, Naso tang, Sohal tang; coral reef—purple gorgonians, red wellsophyllia, green sinularia, orange lobophyllia; pills; needles; syringes; prescription drugs; 0,25MG Risperidone; 75MG Effexor; 3MG Lunesta; 6MG Serostim; 300MG Euro Boldenon; 350MG Euro Sustanon; 200MG Trenbolone Enanthate; Black Whore Wants White Pride Daddy (John 32); gold leaf platypus; Bottino chicken salad; cans of Diet Coke; bottles of Boylan’s Ginger Ale; RUSH; Slut palette. Slut installation; Artslut. Artist as slut. Artist slut; Renaud Camus’ “Tricks”; Bernadette Corporation’s “Reena Spaulings”; Christopher S. Stewart’s “Hunting the Tiger”; Henrik Hovland’s “Amputasjon”; James Robert Baker’s “Testosterone”; Malcolm McLaren and the Bootzilla Orchestra; FUCK ART ABOUT MOVIE STAR AND ESPECIALLY ART WITH MANNIQUENS; Parkett; Purple Fashion; Bomb; Artforum; Dazed and Confused; The Journal; The Wire; Raw Vision; Before he even walks in, a joyous overweight fag greets him by exclaiming: “Hello! We’re all the same whores here,” which is probably the fat bitch’s not-so-painless way of assimilating him into his own social codes and ethics; Compass in Hand; Self-Taught Outsider Art; Societé Anonyme; Black Low; Rod Bianco; Rudolf Schwarzkogler photograph; Me as Arkan and you as my tiger baby; plastic Kubrick ape action figures; Ché Guevara “rebel ape”; Apethoven the chimposer; SSUR; Supreme; “So how many do you think you killed?”; metal Benin leopard statues; black and white NAMBLA images; Plato’s Retreat; Big Fat Black Cock, Inc.; In a city exploding with unsafe sex and endless sexual encounters between any race, age or class, the art world in New York behaves like a stuck-up, educated old grandma hoping to impress the grandchildren with her home-baked cookies. The idea is that a discourse is gonna help the fact that we are all a bunch of useless whores without a client. We think discourse is where intellect and education will somehow let us transcend the fact that we are speechless when we are met with a reality without any excuse.

 

Special thanks to City Aquarium, An Art Service, KB Projects, and Dalle Nogare Marbles.